I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
