CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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