I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
