Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
