where am i from again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
