Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
