The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
