I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
