The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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