I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
