What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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