so that wasnt chicken after all
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
