Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
