College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize