Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
