Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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