yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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