Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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