if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
