Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
