I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
