also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
