Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
