just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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