Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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