too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
