i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
