I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
