I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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