Banned from zoo.
Again?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
