She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
