I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
