nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
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Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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