Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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