Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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