Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize