I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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