Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
