There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
