Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
