There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
