You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
