somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
