she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Green mimosas i think yes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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