I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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