Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Panties = found
Randomize
