I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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