So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
