so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
