OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
