Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
