Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
