can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
