It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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