so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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