Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
