I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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