I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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