Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
