she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
