Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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