I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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