There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
