my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
