Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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