Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
