Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
