i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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