So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
